So My Boy Was Bitten By Another Boy…

Last night, I get home from work and my nanny greets me with very disturbing news. It probably didn’t make the AP or New York Times wires, and I question the national importance of the event, but at least for my immediate environment, it was major news.

It seems J. my 2 year old boy was out playing with his friend — another 2 year old boy (let’s call him “Bill”) from the neighborhood. J and Bill are best friends, if pre-language kids can be said to have best friends. They have a standing play date nearly every day, and when together, the two of them are laughing up a storm, running around, and just having a grand old time. My wife and I get along with Bill’s mom and dad, and it’s just one of these scenes of domestic bliss that city-dwelling DINK’s find atrocious and horrifying about suburbia.

Well, apparently during a tussle over some toy or another, Bill got frustrated and bit J. on his arm. He bit him hard enough to leave little teeth marks on J.’s arm.  So.

What do you do when your child was bitten by another child?

You don’t realize the diplomatic sensitivity of the situation until it happens to you.  It doesn’t have to be a bite of course — they could just punch each other or something.  But when your kid is hurt by another kid, whose parents you like, it’s a dicey situation.  On the one hand, you want to hunt him down and beat his ass — but then, you remember that he’s only two years old.  Should he have known better at that age?  And on the other, you wonder why your own boy didn’t fight back (which J did not) — is he a pacifist?  Just too stunned to react?  Or is he a coward?

Obviously, we had to call Bill’s parents to let them know that (a) their kid did something bad, and (b) we’re not happy.  But consider that phone call.  It’s where friendships get mangled.  We were friendly with Bill’s folks, but we weren’t best friends or anything.  I really didn’t know them well enough to predict with any certainty how they would react.

Would they be mortified?  Apologetic?  Or defiant, and standing up for their kid’s action?  After all, they might have thought it was J’s fault for not sharing the toy.  Which would have sent me into a different level of rage.

How do you criticize another couple for their parenting skills, or more precisely, lack thereof?

In this case, we called Bill’s folks up, they were apologetic, properly mortified, said they would talk to Bill, work with him, and that they would understand if we didn’t want J playing with Bill anymore, etc. etc.  They’re good peoples that way.

But it did get me thinking.  What if J and Bill were older — say they’re seven or eight, and the two of them got into a nasty fight with bloody noses and everything.  What then?  How does one handle such a situation in a delicate way so as to save face for everyone, but demand apologies and recourse.

I know that situation will also come up… one day… and I’m wondering how I’ll react to it then.

-TS